Combeferre: Too Much Worry
Dieu, these last few days I feel like my world’s been turned upside down, and not in a good way either. I thought it was good news, and it was when Enjolras first told me about it. A shed had been found that was full of ammunition, and barely guarded at that. Enjolras had told me about it, his eyes wide and excited, saying we were going to raid the place as soon as we organized things. I admit, I was a bit nervous about it all. First off, we didn’t know anything about this girl who had told us about the ammunition. We didn’t even know if we could trust her. Technically, we still don’t. And then there was the fact that if we got the supplies, we’d be closer to using them. And call me stupid, but I still think we can do this without bloodshed.
Of course, now there might not be anything at all…but I’m getting ahead of myself. Courferyrac and Enjolras were caught, arrested. I swear, it was almost as if they were waiting for us, as if they knew we were coming. Uncanny, really. And it brings up a question I don’t want to think about: is there a traitor among us?
But that’s not my most immediate problem. Bloody hell, it’s been 2 days now and I’m worried sick. We have to get them out of there. We must. If they go to trial, it’s hopeless. But what do I know about breaking people out of jail for goodness sake? Grantaire says he knows someone who can help, but still, when was the last time I trust Grantaire to get something done? And what if we fail? What if we do lose them...
And when it comes down to it. I don’t know anything about being a leader. Sure, I can give advice, I can support, I can listen, but I can’t lead. I don’t know if I can hold Les Amis together until we get Enjolras out of there, let alone indefinitely. It’s enough for me to deal with the fact that my best friend’s in jail, but now everyone expects me to lead them through all of this, /and/ I’m supposed to be the calm one? It’s just too much for me to handle right now. I mean, how can I get everyone else through this when I’m barely getting through it myself?