Ron - Girls Come and Kiss Me, Show How You'll Miss Me
"Girls come and kiss me
Show how you'll miss me
But get me to the church on time!"
- My Fair Lady
Ron had always found jewelry stores not only deadly dull, but generally completely pointless. He’d never been a good gift-giver, honestly, and even when he had not only remembered the occasion, but also had been willing to set out on the arduous trek for a present for the female in question, he had avoided giving things that involved gold, or silver, or any sort of gemstone.
More recently, he had come to the conclusion that jewelry stores were more than pointless – they were mini hells that, from now on, he would refuse to enter unless dragged in kicking and screaming.
But that had been three stores ago.
Now entering the sixth store of the day, he began to worry that he would soon run out of places to go. Of course, at the first place he had visited, a Macy’s, he had walked up to the jewelry counter, only to immediately make an about-turn before the saleslady even had time to ask ‘can I help you?’, and at the second place, he had stood outside the door until he realized that an employee was watching him suspiciously, and then fled. If he wasn’t careful, the police were going to begin to suspect that he was planning a robbery.
Pull yourself together, he chided himself. It’s a ring, for god’s sake. This shouldn’t be so difficult.
On the other hand – it wasn’t just any ring.
Ron took a deep breath and walked up to the girl smiling behind the counter.
“Can I help you?”
Here goes. No turning back now. If you leave here without the ring, you’re going home and forgetting all about this. Forever. Not that, he mused further, that sounded like such a bad idea. Realizing that the girl was still watching him expectantly, he managed a smile that might be vaguely recognized as an attempt at his usual cocky grin. “Ahh… Right. I’m looking for a ring.”
The girl smiled again and moved down the counter to where the rings were displayed with the ease and automation of one who is ready to embark upon a well-known conversation. “Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?”
Ron shook his head vigorously – it was questions like that that had gotten him into trouble at the previous stores, and so he was determined to buy the damn thing and leave as quickly as possible this time. “No, no, just a ring.”
The girl’s smile tightened just slightly, but managed to stay polite and friendly. “But what’s the occasion?” When Ron looked blank, she added, “Who is it for? A friend, girlfriend…” she peered at him, “maybe an engagement ring?”
Ron’s face finally lit up. “Yeah!” He cleared his throat. “Right… that’s the one.”
When the girl spoke again, her tone and slowed speech suggested that she suspected she was talking to a moron. “Good, good.” Her smile broadened in a highly unfriendly manner. “Well, do you know what kind of rings she likes?” Ron shook his head. “Well, what kind of jewelry in general? Gold or silver?”
Ron’s expression was still blank. “Ahh… I’m really not sure.”
The girl raised a manicured eyebrow, her expression promptly going from, ‘humor the well-meaning moron,’ to, ‘oh, idiot guy.’ “What kind of jewelry have you bought her?” she asked him, her annoyance clear in her voice.
“Weeelll… None, actually.” This time, Ron had enough foresight to save himself, though. “She’s not a big jewelry wearer, so I haven’t gotten a chance to do this before.” Finally, an intelligent remark. He sighed inwardly.
Still, the saleswoman’s mood was little improved. “Ah. Well. How about you just choose something and we’ll box it up, then?”
Ron looked down at the glass counter. Every single ring looked the same – the same as all the rings in the last six stores, the same as all the rings in the damn world, he was sure. He closed his eyes, hoping the girl behind the counter didn’t notice the gesture, and pointed at random. “That one.”
When he looked up, it became clear that she had noticed his method of selection and was not at all impressed, but she just pursed her lips and nodded, unlocking the cabinet to retrieve the ring.
She did not speak again until Ron was just finishing paying, but before he could turn to go, she could not help one last remark – “No offense, mister, but are you sure this is such a good idea?”
Ron’s expression as he looked up at her was even more frazzled than it had been previously. “Do me a favor – don’t make me answer that question?” He forced a grin.
And before another decision could be made, he fled.